#2 “Are you going for a PhD
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amrv-5 · 2 days ago
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Going to walk into the fucking water 🙏👍🚶➡️🌊
#going insane. cant sleep the fucking constant irregular snoring… ahut the fuck uppppp please#no peace or autonomy in the day and i can’t even rest at night. day 2 of 2 weeks 👍#earplugs do not drown it out. i can’t sleep through it. im going genuinely insane#like distress tolerance works for not like clawing my own face off out of hate#but it does feel like 2 straight weeks of keeping my hand in the Dune pain box#exactly how I prefer to spend my only time off from my phd coursework btw#seething with sublimated resentment and anger while wearing Steel Plated Happy Mask#god forbid I get to relax or have a nice time with people who like me or cook food or read in bed#nope ! just holiday hate and competitive ulcer cultivation.#not going to put my head thru a wall because i’m an adult with emotional control#but sooo awesome to get to spend the next 2 weeks exhausted and wishing I could#and then straight back into constant work. awesome. Not clawing face off. Doing awesome#btw dbt is great for some things but i do hate how it is like. aorry if your environment sucks and other people are tangibly causing you#real distress. however : it is your responsibility to absorb the impact and defuse it#Like pleeease I’ve had the best year of my liiife why is 36 hours with my parents enough to send me straight to hell#at that point I feel the problem is less my emotional regulation skill#and more that when people treat me badly or in ways i find upsetting i become naturally: Upset?#big if true. whatevwerrrr okay im just going to sit in the fucking hotel lounge and work on fic or somwthing. fine
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astrumnoceur · 9 months ago
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I think horikoshi has absolutely zero knowledge about how abuse works. or frankly human psychology in general. maybe don’t use child abuse as your flimsy plot device for drama if you literally don’t understand it bro
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kirk-goes-to-gallifrey · 2 months ago
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my mum called to tell me my kitty cat has urinary tract infection T-T
I've been missing him so much dear god please don't take my cat while I'm on the other side of the world let me hold him again one more time please please please let him recover until I can get home to see him
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romaritimeharbor · 3 months ago
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"write a 2 page paper" ok so talk. a lot. that is what you're telling me to do rn.
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fictional-men-enthusiast · 1 year ago
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I’m sure we’ve all seen the “all my transmasc friends want to look like at least one of the TF2 characters” tweet, but I don’t have one AUTISTIC friend who doesn’t ACT at least a little bit like one of the TF2 mercs; this includes me, this is 100% not a diss.
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jonathanbyersphd · 6 months ago
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Me on my little soapbox yelling about how Jonathan's outfit in 4x01 intentionally blends into the background of the woodshop because he's out of focus with his own wants/needs.
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essektheylyss · 1 year ago
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honestly though, what I've learned this quarter is thank fuck I did not go to grad school at 23. I am astoundingly on top of my shit. there is absolutely no way I would've been managing this well at 23. under no fucking circumstances.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months ago
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#oh lads. its not looking good for my genomics exam on Thursday. its all fucked#i dunno. its just been a weird day. bc one of my lab mates is getting ready to go to the astr0biology science conference#and its just so wild how i got here. into the perfect position. i have a great advisor. a great phd project. a committee member who is super#integrated with n4sa astr0biology projects. and so many of the instructors are amazing. my genomics prof is terrifyingly smart#so is my advisor and his wife. and the program is great. ecology and Evolution. its perfect. its all perfect#and yet. and yet. it just feels like its all falling apart. ive lost that compulsive thing thats always set in my chest#and now all i want to do is lay on the floor and cry and sleep and not do anything. why am i so tired?#its just so frustrating. and im sure ive got the most wretched vibes bc im constantly like 1 comment away from bursting into tears#like 2 weeks and its done. then im off to find a summer job. and find a long term job. and consider throwing away everything ive ever worked#toward. just let it all burn. im so tired. and i dont get to see my therapist until Monday. thats gonna b fun#hi. hello. since last i saw you my life has crumbled into pieces. ugh. i just dont wanna fail this genomics exam but it looks like that's#where we're headed. maybe i should have just dipped out of these last 3 weeks. but no. i didnt want to leave the lady i ta for 100 lab#reports to unexpectedly have to grade 4 days before grades are due. ugh. itll b fine. i mean it wont but whatever#unrelated
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look-at-the-stars-tonight · 3 months ago
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Called my aunt to wish her a happy birthday and we spent an hour discussing what I was doing with my life 😭
#my uncle wants me to go get a PhD in quant or finance or information systems and then become a professor#OR#be a lawyer or a dentist#the PhD thing was very specifically catered when I was like 👉🏽👈🏽 I wanna teach#none of those things sound all that appealing..#space law Has Potential#but I think it would make me want to rip my hair out#they were both like. you have two years but then figure your life out by then#and then they were like. what is ur cousin doing. has he proposed yet#and I was like ??? it hasn’t even bee n a year?? I think they’re going to Japan#and oopsies apparently he had not told them they were going to Japan#my bad#after I. very reasonably said it makes sense to wait 2-3 years#he went ‘what is there going to be left to talk about then. life is all downhill from there. might as well get married now’#and. I’ve never ever ever heard that from a human being before#WHAT DO U MEAN YOULL RUN OUT OF THINGS TO TALK ABOUT#I could never#anyways love having my existential crises exacerbated by familial interactions#they just Say Things#I need to study. I’m gonna go do that maybe#actually no I want to complain more. my uncle keeps saying that the problem with space is that there’s only a few cities that work on it.#and that’s gonna limit my choice of partner#(so funny how they say partner. they are very homophobic and have no idea or they’d go THE MAN YOU MARRY like my mother does)#I feel like space is growing…#altho I’m sure that’s what people thought in the 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s#idk some of these bitches have been around since like the 70s and 80s and 90s#so it’s not like they all got fired immediately#my dental hygienist was telling me space was great until Obama slashed the budget#I didn’t have anything to say back considering I was 8 when he was elected and know v little about his policies#anyways. this is a psa to not call ur relatives even to wish them happy bday because then they’ll trap u in conversation and make u question
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol
#purrs#grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like.#god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class#(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and#ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w#wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and#also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years#ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s#social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the#classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two#instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING#THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they#don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the#same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody#noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ <#<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th#that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t#telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have#to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍#delete later#oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t#even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me#that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off#into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and#their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3#* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️
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waugh-bao · 2 years ago
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#the last two weeks have been mental#I passed in my last paper for this term on the 24th#which means I’m officially done with the first year of my PhD#and I got news yesterday that I got a high pass on my French translation exam#so I only have to take one more test (could be in Russian or Portuguese or Hebrew or Arabic. my choice based on what I already have) to#finish my language requirements#[which is one of those things that doesn’t seem like a big deal but you can’t go to prospectus defense without it done]#and to multiply the crazy#the Friday before last#I got news that a proposal is submitted to a call for chapters (which I 100% thought I would be turned down on) was accepted#so I’m going to have a whole 40-50 page research project brought out as a chapter in a book by a major U.S. university press#never mind that I’m leaving in 2 weeks#to travel around Europe and Asia for the next 3 months doing research work and visiting friends#I was at such a low point at the start of this term 2 or 3 months ago#burned out and not feeling good about my work and just generally having a time of it with everything#but it feels like everything has turned around so drastically in such a short amount of time#and pushing myself through the bad/hard parts was worth it to come out the other end#anyway I’m rambling#but it’s been amazing to get things to look forward to and move towards making real accomplishments#especially after not sleeping more than 5 hours a night for like 9 months#not the stones#me stuff
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wink-wonk · 2 years ago
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oneknightlight · 2 years ago
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Shaved the sides of my head and god does that feel so much better. I didn’t realize how much I hated having hair hanging over my ears until now, I think I’m going to keep my sides no longer than a couple inches. My hair is also easier to wash now, which is great for my brain that tends to struggle with how overwhelming washing thick or long hair is.
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zafiro-anyejo · 7 days ago
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Something not talked about enough is the sheer stupidity of final exams in high school and college worth 20% of your grade??
I have been out of school for a few years and I still get the little "anxiety heartbeat tippy tappys/have a hard time sleeping" during certain times of the winter and sometimes summer too.
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roseband · 1 year ago
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The defunding of public colleges was also very racial. With Nixon’s education secretary complaining that there were too many diverse and poor students there. It’s suspicious that tuition was added just as numbers of black/hispanic students were growing
There’s an advertising push to show how “bad” public colleges are,
I’ve literally had coworkers say I went to a school “not as good as theirs” in earlier jobs right out of college (CCNY alumn), but nearly all of my adjunct professors in art/design/marketing/web design classess also taught at SVA, Pratt, and the New School. We also were literally at the same job, and at some I was higher paid, and had no loans cause well, I went to CUNY. So I had the same education as coworkers, even sometimes having the exact same professors and curriculum as them, be at the same job, but because someone spent a premium amount of money for the same thing, they’d look down on it. 
(also CUNY/SUNY are free for first undergrad degree for NYS residents making under 125k again and people don’t know about it!!!)
The vast majority of my coworkers in my (pretty visible and don’t want to self dox) apparel job are CUNY/SUNY grads (mostly SUNY FIT), and people still have the “if it costs more it must be better” brainrot when choosing schools
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#personal#I HATE PEOPLE BLAMING TEACHERS FOR A CULTURAL ISSUE????????????????????????#oh my god no i will literally STOP TEENAGERS TALKING ABOUT LOANS IN THE STREET#to preach about our lord and saviour ny excelsior#like i have done this like 3 times to hs seniors i've overheard talking about cost of colleges....'heeeeyyyy cuny and suny are FREE for nys#residents whos family makes median income or under u just gotta stay in ny for 4 years after'#my cousin's at a upstate suny (he's probably transferring into ccny next year tho lol)#AAAAAND is only going to have room and board as loan (and if he transfers into grove he'll have no more loan than the one year worth)#(cuz he'll just live at home and commute)#EVERY SINGLE PERSON in my family went to cuny on my mom's side other than my aunt (mom's brother's wife and she's drowning in her phd loan)#like my mom's two teaching license masters... CUNY... her undergrad CUNY#my grandfather's engineering licence and teaching license... cuny!!! grandmother's accounting license and teaching license .... CUNY!!!!!!#uncle's undergrad psych (and 90% of a masters... doofus.. well... he couldn't handle being a therapist emotionally and noped into marketing)#also CUNY!!!#so we've got ccny queens hunter and brooklyn represented lmao#(oh and one of my mom's cousins is baruch! soooooo many cunys!)#my fiance actively regrets going to mcgill over baruch too (I TOLD HIM SO???)#so we're both pushing his younger siblings to not listen to their parents about the pricetag#literally i have a better job than my fiance and his mom's made nasty comments about cuny to me and i'm like broooo wtf#(she's also been trying to get him to pay for both his siblings tuition which is a worse deal than taking out a loan... lmao)#(and she lied about paying for his college no strings attached if he chose mcgill over mccauly baruch)#(cause of the 'pay for your siblings as payback' whining LMAO)#but we're both like.... uhh guys... in 2-3 years... cuny... cause then you won't have GUILT trips from parents lmao#literally his mom's said to his sister about relatives going to baruch that they just weren't 'smart enough' to go somewhere better#and broooooo baruch is A GOOD FINANCE SCHOOL and it's smart to not get into debt#if i ever get another degree it would be the fashion merchandising for artists masters degree from FIT
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they-breasted-boobily · 3 months ago
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